My Life's Pain- Heartbreak

[Admin]

Almost a month ago, I got my heart broken. I know what you're going to say. "People get their hearts broken every day. Get over it." It's easy to say that. However, let me say something about it. We were together off and on for 8 years. The first year was the hardest because neither of us knew what we were doing. I knew that I loved him, but I was never as open with him as I should've been. After we had known each other for a year and a half, things started getting easier. We both started being more open and trusting of each other. Before that, I was losing trust in him because he would make me believe he loved me and then he would dump me. I didn't understand why he was doing that and it hurt me each time that he did. In a year and a half, it hurt me to the point where I lost trust in him. At a certain point he wanted me back... again. I said that I didn't want him, but I didn't tell him why. Later on, I let him know that it was because he dumped me so many times that my heart was completely broken. He let me know how sorry he was, and we started a very deep and meaningful friendship. Not long after that, we started a relationship again. I began trusting him again. For the next 5 and a half years after that, I felt like he was everything I wanted. I totally and completely loved him and trusted him. He told me that he wanted to be with me forever, and I believed him. How silly I was. He dumped me again, but he told me that it's because he's so busy working on a book that he's writing and he's working on trying to do well in college and he just doesn't have time for me. I understood that. That wasn't what hurt me regarding this. What hurt me the most was the fact that in 1 month, he ruined years of love by acting like my love didn't matter to him. One time I told him that I'm worried about the way things are between us and I asked him if we could start having real, meaningful conversations. That's when he dropped the bomb on me and told me that he wanted to break up. I thought that he wouldn't even dream of hurting me again, but I was wrong because he did it again. I trusted him with everything I had. I didn't think he would ever break my heart again, but he managed to ruin years of love in a single month. Sometimes I start feeling better, but other times, like right now, I end up feeling the pain all over again. That's why I wanted to write about it. I really needed to get this off my chest. I know that I will heal, and I will start to feel better again. I'll just have to let myself heal and go on with my life. I'm not going to let this cause me to be unhappy in my daily life. I just have to remember that he's not right for me because if he was then he wouldn't have hurt me.

[Admin]

I'm still hurting, more now than ever. I need closure. I need to know the reason why he made me feel like my love didn't mean anything to him. I'm going to try to find out.